Posted by
Bull 67 on Tuesday, April 28, 2009 9:56:12 PM
Alfred E. Obama**
"What, Me Sorry?"
Sources tell "The Paleoconservative" a crisis is brewing in the new Obama administration. After only 100 days and a whirlwind tour groveling to every foreign leader he met, it appears President Obama is running out of things to apologize for. After heartfelt apologies on everything from U.S. policy in Latin America to our insensitive treatment of terrorists, the White House is in a mad scramble to find, or invent, more "I'm sorrys..." to load on the presidential teleprompter.
According to this story, the real reason the White House authorized the Air Force One/F-16 flyby of New York was to provide President Obama an opportunity to apologize. In a related story, the White House ordered the Pentagon to release the detainee photos so President Obama could stand in front of the cameras this week and tell the world, once again, America is sorry.
An unnamed source states, “There just aren’t enough U.S. atrocities and crimes to keep us apologizing for the next four years. We’re getting desperate.” In a recent secret White House staff meeting, experts mulled possible future apologies: U.S. treatment of Native Americans, Hiroshima and Nagasaki, treatment of prisoners of war in all previous wars, any war America actually won, dry skin, Chicago Cubs (any year), 1980's "Heaven's Gate", Carrot Top, Devo, Family Guy, the Al Gore/Tipper Gore kiss (shudder), mullets, the Mustang II, the Pinto, the Pacer, the Gremlin, Janet Reno actually dancing, Janet Napalotano looking too much like Janet Reno, the 1980-81 season of Saturday Night Live, gray hair, disco, Happy Days after Fonzie jumped the shark, and the entire 1970s.
The White House would not publicly comment on this story but did state they are actively seeking ideas from the general public. Please send your apology ideas* to:
"We're sorry, I mean we're REALLY, REALLY sorry. By gosh, we feel awful, believe me."
C/O Rob ‘Never Let a Good Apology Go to Waste” Emanuel
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
* Program will not accept any apologies to Republicans, conservatives, veterans, or anyone making over $250,000 a year.
**concept credit to Mr. Savage